Honoring mamas

Today I write because I want to recognize two of my best friends.

These are women I met about 2 years ago, a few weeks before we all got married. 

Hannah & Frankie got married first, 8 days later Jordan and I were married and 4 days after that Bri & Jesse said “I Do”, in September of 2019. 

Fast forward, we walked through year one of marriage together. Just getting to know each other, the Lord, our husbands and how to be loving, godly, spirit filled wives. (We are all still learning haha)

It was a challenging year but without them it would have been even more so. 

On September 12th I found out I was pregnant with this sweet baby. Did I have any idea I’d be a momma at 21 before the official year one marriage mark? No. Did the Lord orchestrate it all? Yes. 

On September 22nd Bri found out she was expecting! How freakin exciting and unexpected was that for me. I was gonna get to walk through this huge journey with someone else and not only that, but my beautiful, good friend. We talked with so much excitement!! Hannah stood by us with longing for the opportunity of motherhood in her heart, she loved and supported us although it was challenging at times. 

On October 4th Bri texted me to tell me she thought she was losing the baby, I prayed and hoped that was not what was actually happening. I supported how I knew how but it definitely wasn’t much. I can honestly say I didn’t know how to support her. I was still pregnant, in the depths of morning sickness by this time… I didn’t know how I could help or what I could do. I retracted myself. I didn’t want her to be reminded of what she had lost every time she was with me, because I still had my baby. I know now that this was not the correct thing to do. She never tried to make me feel bad, all she did was tell me over and over again that she was so happy and excited for us. She would pray over me, Jordan and our baby often. But I struggled with guilt and I had to figure out how give that up to the Lord because I don’t want my baby to carry any of the weight of my guilt & distress. 

As a few months passed December arrived and Hannah tells me she’s ovulating, she had been working on supporting her body and fertility biologically since about October at this point and so this moment was huge and exciting. We celebrated together over text and I praised the Lord for what he had been doing. On January 18th the Bravo’s came to our house, Frankie showed us his new hat and as he turned it around it read “Dad”. I can’t describe the moment. We all rejoiced together teary eyed. My friend joining me in motherhood, it’s such a special feeling. 

As she started to get nausea and navigate the beginnings of pregnancy I was able to walk with her and be of some help with the experience and information I had gathered. Then February 23rd came, she had started bleeding a few days prior and that night the baby went to be with Jesus. 

Us 3 couples spent the next week together, praying, crying and there was even laughter. The joy of the Lord was tangible even in such a solemn, hard time. This time I didn’t retract myself from friendship. I didn’t know what to do but Bri showed me how to support Hannah, how to be there, how my pregnancy was not a bad thing, not a reason I should feel guilty. I was open to Hannah telling me not to come around but I wanted to be there if she wanted me there. And she did, which I am so thankful for. 

Watching two of my closest friends walk through miscarriage as I walk through a healthy pregnancy is not easy. It’s caused feelings and thoughts I didn’t ever know I would have, that I have had to give up to the Lord and even ask forgiveness for. 

My baby will not carry the pain that I carried and that is due to only the Lord. 

Bri and Hannah have still been a huge support during my pregnancy regardless of the pain they are walking through and for that I am so extremely grateful. Bri has prayed and encouraged me so much, she took my amazing maternity photos and made me feel like a princess. Hannah is my doula and will be accompanying Jordan & I at the birth, supporting us with her newly completed training. 

I write this because I want to recognize them for the Mothers that they are. 

They don’t get to hold their babies in their arms but someday they will. 

Those babies chose their mamas. In this fallen world, they did not get to meet them earth side. But Bri, that does not make you any less of a mother. And Hannah, you are and always will be a mother. 

I cannot wait to raise children together and someday experience pregnancies together. 

I know that in the Lord’s perfect timing it will be so. I love you both and I admire your strength and walks in faith as you let God comfort you in the waiting. 

You are both amazing, resilient, loving mamas and I can’t wait till we all get to meet Elijah & Sheppard in heaven. Those sweet angel babies, they look at you both and know that you are the best mommas they ever could have picked. 

All this to say, Happy Mother’s Day to the Mums who haven’t gotten to hold your babies in your arms. You become a mom at conception and not at birth. That sweet life picked you and that is what makes you a mama, don’t let anyone try to tell you differently. 

Appreciation of Moms and Gran-moms.

Moms are so beautiful, grand moms are so beautiful.

blood momma on the left, adopted momma on the right

Their skin is weathered, and starting to wrinkle and stretch yet you look at them and all you can see are their souls. Their worn, beautiful, rough at the edges, exceptionally strong souls. You see their strength and resilience. They are gorgeous within, and show beauty with age on the outward.

Gma Mary, my best friend/roommate.

They bore children, and we all know they struggle with us our entire lives, whether disciplining us or starting to feel distant from us. They doubt themselves. They fear they are not raising us right, they are too hard on themselves when all we are is thankful for how well they love us. And if we aren’t thankful, God kick some sense into our heads.

Linda, my cousin in Norway. An amazing mom and soon to be wife. Love her to pieces.

They go through so much for us. We disrespect them and yet they still love us, and feed us, and teach us and drive us places. We owe them the world and they still give us more. More than we could ever ask for.

this one has dad too, but I couldn’t skip it.

They catch us. From the time we are babies wobbling all over the place to the time when we are adults and should have things under control, but still don’t. They held us when they had to and they still hold us when we need them to.

Gma Viv. Love her & her great hair forever and always. 

And have I not even said how they don’t even need to be related to you by blood to do all these things for us? We all have mothers. But some mothers choose us, and we choose some mothers. Strong women in our lives, and my gosh all women are so strong, but the ones that love and care for us through all our faults. Those are the ones that should amaze us the most. The ones we should strive to be like.

Little sis and ma ’02

Me and ma ’16

The most beautiful, inside and out, no matter what the years have done.

The Weight of the World On Our Shoulders

A super common saying that is true, figuretively and literally.

Como, Italy 8/17

When our hands and arms get tired, we put our things in a bag and throw it on our shoulders. They bear weight better some how. Not always comfortably but conveniently.

They carry physical weight, and for some they carry emotional weight.

I have had shoulder issues since I was 15 years old. It started with working in a thrift store, boxes of clothes that my noodle arms and muscle-less body were too weak to be lifting, I probably strained it and it just got messed up. It hurt a little and I didn’t really think about it. At 16 it was still hurting and I was still dealing with it. At 17 I started to notice the pain fluctuating, sometimes I didn’t feel it at all and sometimes it was the worst burning sensation ever. At 18 I started getting massages as it was often near excruciating. During those half hour to an hour and a half long sessions of massage with my close family friend we would talk, and what we found was this, my pain level skyrocketed when I was doing bad mentally or was stressed out. Literally carrying the weight of my hardships on my shoulders. And on a good day my tension would be lighter and my shoulder wouldn’t hurt as bad, sometimes not at all.

I still struggle with the pain pretty much everyday. I don’t know that it will ever stop. I take turmeric to reduce inflammation as well as drink lots of lemon and sometimes add naproxen to the mix as well. Ive seen doctors, gotten X-rays and ultrasounds. No one knows what it is. Inflammation is all that they can tell me. But why is it inflamed? Well my heart and my brain are tired I guess. And like my hands, they tie their heavy things up in a knot and put it on my shoulders too.

Ridding inconveniences to a more “convenient” place.

My First Blog Post

My name is Hannah Emily Alviso.

My closest friends call me Hanni and I often call myself that as well.

I am almost 19 years old.
Starting my journey in life, following my big omnipotent Daddy (God).
He’s got plans, and I’ve got plans.
I have an instagram called @_all.my.own_ but I deleted my app as I started to care too much about the likes and who was seeing my posts and it was a big way for me to waste my time. BUT I like to write and I like to journal and share my experiences and on here its not like i’m gonna NEED people to see what I post to feel good (I have never needed that, but lets be honest, it does feel good.) but it does make me feel good to know that if someone wanted to see what I posted, they could.
So here, another part of my journey begins… blogging. Journalling for anyone to see.
Reflections and writings about my life and experiences.

I love to travel, sooo much. In my eighteenth year I had the opportunity to go on road trips around where I lived as well as to New York, Italy, Greece and Norway. (Photo above is in Norway.) I thoroughly enjoyed every moment of it.

I am really excited for this. I always thought I would stick to my iPhone notes or a pen and paper for things like this, but both of those take a while and sometimes I need different formats to get different thoughts out. Right now, I need my laptop!

I might post too much, or too little. But also, who is to judge that but myself.